HOME is where the HEART is

Home is where the Heart is.  The place you long to be.  The one place no matter where you live that your heart lies, even if that's not where you are right now.

It is so mentally draining to live in a house that no longer holds my heart.  To wake up every morning to a place, which although very nice, is not my true home.  To put so much time and effort into a dwelling that I do not want to care for.  To sink money into it like a pit with no expectations of getting something back in return.

Our house is not my home.  It stopped being a home a couple years ago.  It is not where our heart lies.  We have poured our hearts into a place that we have not seen.  We have not been there and I do not know when we will reach our destination.  But it is not here.

Every morning I wake to chores that need to be done.  The yard needs clipped, the floors need swept, counters need wiped and the bathroom needs cleaned.  Every day I grumble through my chores with a sour mood and a bad outlook.  It's not the chores themselves that makes me angry.  I honestly don't mind cleaning and organizing, and I even enjoy mowing the lawn.  It's the fact that I am putting energy towards a place that I no longer care for.  I don't want to wipe these counters or the floor.  I don't want to see them ever again, let alone maintain them.

Some people will look at this as extra unnecessary stress.  In fact, they are probably right.  I should be very thankful to have a roof over my head, a place to go at night, shelter for my kids, and food on the table.  Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for all of that.  But that doesn't mean that my heart has to be happy here.

Tomorrow I will wake up again to another day full of things that need to be done.  The house will sit on the market without a sound.  The visions and dreams I have for my family will sit tucked away in the back of my mind, and my heart will lie there, even I don't know where "there" is.  I will continue to wait for that special day where we can pack up our things and GO.  Start on our journey to find our true home.

Until then, there is nothing left to do but wait...